What to get my wife for Mother's Day?

I have been racking my brain for weeks trying to come up with what to get my wife for Mother's Day. Should I get her jewels, or candy, or flowers? How about that lap top she's been hinting at? I don't think so. Jewels? Too expensive, plus she lost the first piece of jewelry I ever got her...I think she lost it on our wedding day. That was a wake up call - Note to self: No jewels for the wife. Candy? No, as much as she likes it...that's not a good idea either. I usually end up eating it all. Reminder to self - Get on the treadmill! Flowers? No, they just die after a few days. I'm more of a practical gift giver. I like to give things that you can use, not things that you want. I figure if you really want something, you can just go out and get it, why wait for your birthday, holiday, etc. If I had to wait for my birthday to get that new driver, I'd have to wait until the end of golf season to get it. I'd be staring at it all winter, imagining how nice it would be to use it.

So with a little more than a week to go, I was finally inspired after coming home from work.

It went something like this. "Honey, you home?" No answer. "Sweetie." (I don't really call her honey or sweetie, but you get the idea.) "Sugar!" Still no answer. The screen door is locked, but the window is down, so if she's home she should be able to hear me.

I decide to enter through the downstairs.

Enter downstairs. Laundry room light is on. (As an aside - I bought one of those motion sensor light switches. I figured I'd save some money on electricity, I even use a compact fluorescent bulb. Big waste of money, I say. The light only goes on for about six seconds. Just long enough to open the washing machine and throw a couple of things in before the light goes out. Now you're in the dark in the laundry room. You wave your arms frantically to try and trigger the motion sensor so the light comes back on. No luck. Now you have to walk across laundry room without tripping over golf clubs, tricycle, pile o' clothes, and other miscellaneous odds and ends.) I manage to find the light without killing myself and turn light the switch from "ON" to "Motion Sensor".

Next, I enter the basement. Two lights on, television, receiver, dvd player, computer and monitor all on. No sign of my sweetie! Head up stairs, stairwell light is on too. It's a good thing the light is on so I don't trip over all of the papers strewn across the steps, plus I can read the note on the back of the door as I get upstairs. It says "Please turn off all lights and appliances before coming upstairs. Sincerely, The Electric Company :-)" I crumple up the nice note and throw it down the stairs. I'm sure I'll slip on that piece of paper the next time I go downstairs.

Enter kitchen. Yep, that light is on too.

Walk through dining room to family room. Lights are off in both rooms (I've trained her so well.) I happen to glance at thermostat. It's set to 70 degrees. I look over at locked screen door, the window is open and it's 64 degrees outside. It reminds me of when I was little. I would come in from playing outside on a nice cold day and my mom would yell "Close the door! It's freezing outside. Are you trying to heat the neighborhood?" I'm no engineer, or cooling/heating specialist, but I'm pretty sure one cannot heat the neighborhood by leaving the door open with the heat on. But I digress.

I keep moving on into the living room. The television is on, but no one is around. Volume turned up to 11 (out of 10 for those of you Spinal Tap fans).

Go upstairs. No sign of anyone. My son's light is on and my wife's light on her bedside table is on too. Just great. I'm starting to think that she's mocking me.

I sit down on the couch and that was when I became inspired. I say out loud "Carbon offsets". What are Carbon offsets? By donating money to either a con-artist for environmentalist you can offset your "Carbon footprint" - the amount of carbon dioxide emissions that you generate. Now I'm not one of these "crunchy granola" or "tree-hugger" types who wants to rush out and protect every endangered fauna or flora, but to me this seemed like a great idea. It would help me sleep at night knowing that I'm doing good for the environment, and my wife can continue leaving on light and appliances, heck she could even chop down trees, burn leaves, and use aerosol spray cans.

So this is how I was inspired. I hope she enjoys the gift. I wonder if she'll like it better than the scale I got her for her birthday. (kidding)

On second thought, perhaps I need additional inspiration.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed your visit.

And Happy Mother's Day (in advance) to all of you Mother's!